You are probably talking to one another about all the things you share: kids, house chores, bills, families. But do you also make a connection with each other? Communication and connection are not the same. Communication is a way of conduct and arranging things, while a connection is a mental bond.
Communication without a connection is the conduct of the relationship, a connection with communication is their soul.
Naturally, communication is very important to effectively manage our life and without communication you, of course, guarantee chaos in your relationship, but without connection you are disconnected. And in that case, even if you cooperate and function perfectly in your surroundings, without having a connection between you – you will not be able to achieve more than a shared life in a neat and organized desert.
So how will you know if you are connected or disconnected? How can you tell if you are only communicating of also connecting? There are clear signs:
- There’s a connection between you when you concentrate your attention on one another and you are disconnected when you are talking to someone who is busy doing something else.
- There’s a connection between you when you remember to add a commendation to any remark you make toward them, and you are disconnected when you are only focused on your claims towards them.
- You are connected when you feel there’s someone there who is listening to you without any judgment or criticism and you are disconnected when there’s someone there who only refutes everything you say.
- You are connected when you end a conversation feeling better, and you are disconnected if you end the conversation feeling frustrated.
The list is long, because you are also disconnected in every blurry, dim and unclear conversation, in every discourse of accusations, and in every conversation that has too many or too few words. And when there’s no connection, why should one listen to the other?
Very few couples can wholeheartedly say they are connected, and those couples demonstrate a different quality of relationships in the sea of disconnected couples.
But you can also become like those couples – an example of two people who are mentally connected to one another.
And you probably already get the idea: focus on the other and don’t worry about yourselves. And you have two good reasons to do so: since there is no way you can completely forget yourselves, and since there will always be someone there next to you who will focus on you and not on himself.
So turn all your attention to your partner all the time, activate the dormant control mechanism over the words that come out of your mouths, look at one another, allow the other to speak without interrupting them, always agree with a part of what they are saying and most importantly: aim your messages to the exalted part in them: to their caring, to their responsibility, to their good intentions.
From that part they will listen to you, and from that part they will answer to you, and from that part they will cooperate in creating a connection between you two.
You share a connection once your attention is focused on one another, and you are disconnected when you are talking to someone who is busy doing something else.
You are connected when you listen without judging and criticizing, and you are disconnected when none of you accepts the other’s claims.
You are connected when you end any conversation feeling better, and you are disconnected when you end the conversation feeling frustrated.