Planning a vacation? Before anything else, don’t forget you are taking a vacation only to enjoy yourselves, both older ones and younger ones. And whether you enjoy yourself or suffer depends on the attitude you take with you on the trip.
Some couples leave all their anger baggage at home and promise to make sure that everyone enjoy themselves, and some couples take suitcases full of resentment and baggage with them. And these couples will ruin any chance of enjoyment for themselves and for their children the moment they disagree about something. How will you make sure that your family vacation will be remembered as a uniting and moving experience?
So here is the simple secret, who suffers during vacations and who enjoys them: the sufferers are those who go on vacation with the intent to enjoy what they themselves like, and those who have fun are the ones who go on vacation with the intent to make sure that everyone has fun.
The key to thwarting the vacation is to each worry about your own enjoyment, and the key to enjoying the vacation is making sure that everyone has fun.
This is in fact the attitude that determines the quality of our relationship throughout the year: failure in the relationship is derived from the attitude of focusing on our own wishes at the expense of the other’s wishes, and success in the relationship is derived from the attitude of preferring the common wishes of both sides at the expense of each side’s individual wishes.
Remember you are not going on vacation in order to teach your children how mommy and daddy get angry at each other, or how mommy and daddy focus each only on what is important to them, or how mommy and daddy don’t get along if they have a disagreement. No child needs this education. You are going on this vacation to be together, to see our beautiful world, and to give your children the experience of open spaces with a mother and father who love them and who love each other.
Because a vacation invites many disagreements, here is a golden piece of advice: before planning the most suitable routes, and before reserving the most suitable places, prepare, within yourselves, the most suitable attitude: not to forget to choose what is important for everyone before trying to achieve what is important for yourselves.
It requires only one thing: let go, let go and let go again. To let go of everything you want for yourselves at the expense of hurting someone else or hurting your vacation or your relationship. And this is the essence of the right attitude.
So what do you let go of? She might want to go shopping and he can’t stand it, whereas he wants to go to the beach and she can’t stand it. Or he might want to visit historical sites and she isn’t interested in that, whereas she wants to visit art museums and he is bored by them. Who needs to let go?
The answer is simple: he needs to let go one time, and she another. These are love relinquishments that both sides happily do, without calculations of who lets go more, because both sides know they will be suitable compensated later on.
A vacation with this kind of attitude cannot go wrong even if each side wants something different, because each relinquishment becomes a gesture of love, he gives one time and she another, and together they both provide their children a great experience, enjoyment, broadening of the horizons and a great life lesson, one of love.