Connecting communication is a communication of peace even when there is no agreement.
It is no longer the world it once was, and everything has changed: communication mediums, means of transportation, the family structure. Only one thing remains exactly as it had been: us ourselves. Our childish attitudes towards our relationships, our selfish attitudes towards our environment, our alienating attitudes towards other people, all these have not changed.
We thought that with smartphones, genius computers and invincible jeeps we would be much happier. But not only did that fail to happen, we found out that today’s world is much more hostile and depressed, and causes more stress, anxiety, depression and lack of meaning. Most of all, the number of relationships that fall apart or die out has reached an all-time record.
The reason for that is the focus each of us has on our own needs and the disregard for the others’.
The tool that can take us out of our own bubble and on to empowering belonging with those who surround us is connecting communication, one that will replace the separating communication we all know so well.
Connecting communication is not only talking with one another, not only conversing with one another, not only reporting to one another, not only investigating one another, not only reprimanding one another. Connecting communication is creating a bond between us, it is treating
each other with respect and listening to one another.
The Differences
Because we are accustomed to using the separating communication of demands and protests and complaints, we need to learn connecting communication from the beginning.
So here are a number of differences between connecting communication and separating communication:
Connecting communication ensures response to the interests of both sides, separating communication focuses on each side’s personal interests.
Connecting communication is quite and takes interest in the other’s opinion, separating communication is loud and it hurts and cancels the other’s opinion.
Connecting communication offers solution that deals with what will happen from here and now, separating communication settles the score of what happened up till now.
With connecting communication the two sides are willing to change their minds, with separating communication each is only willing to change the other’s mind.
The Mistakes
We need to correct many mistaken beliefs brought from the era of separating communication in order to progress to connecting communication. Here are a few:
- The first mistaken belief: there is one wrong and one right in every argument. And because only these two options exist, no one wants to admit to being wrong. This is the source of our battles, proving that the other is wrong.
- The second mistaken belief: there is one gainer and one loser in every argument. And if these are the only two options, it is obvious that each of us wants to be on the gaining side. Because who likes losing? This is the source of our attempts to make the other lose.
- The third mistaken belief: we are the only ones who get hurt, and the hurting is done only by the other. Separating communication was created from a reality in which every person sees only their own distress, and no one sees the others’. This is the source for lack of empathy and unwillingness to forgive.
- The fourth mistaken belief: selective memory. This helps each person remember only the positive things about themselves and only the negative things about the other, and helps each person forget their own negative things and the other’s positive things. This is the source of all mutual blame, and both sides’ avoidance of taking personal responsibility.
Once we start correcting these mistaken beliefs we will know we have embarked on a new road, one that will enable us to speak with one another with mutual respect, even when there is no agreement between us.
Perhaps connecting communication seems to you to be a communication outside of this world. And this is completely true. Our world is only familiar with alienating communication, needy communication, confused communication, blaming communication, manipulative communication. But without us noticing it, the world is moving towards a new frequency, and there will be a world in which connecting communication is the most natural thing for everyone.