What do you think is the thing that most disrupts our communication with those around us? You will probably be surprised by the answer, but it is our opinions. And to be more precise, our communication keeps failing because we cling to our opinions. Because clinging to our opinions means invalidating the opinions of others.
An open mind is willing to change their opinion,
an open mind is willing to examine other opinions,
an open mind enables switching old thoughts with new ones.
Everyone has an opinion about every topic. And that’s okay. When does it begin to be a problem? When we forget that our opinion is only right for us, that is obligates us only, and that the other’s opinion is less legitimate than ours. And it begins to be a more difficult problem when we think that our opinion is the absolute wisdom and justice, and so it is justified to mercilessly invalidate the other’s opinion.
That is how our personal opinions become the greatest enemy of respectful communication with any other person, hence they make our communication become separating and distancing.
We Fight For Fictitious Justice
What is an opinion? An opinion is one viewpoint on something that can be seen from infinite viewpoints. This is the personal seal we impress on our observations, so that it is clear what is what is good and bad in our eyes, what is ugly and what is beautiful, what is right and what is wrong, what is desired and what is undesired.
When you express an opinion you feel like you have something to say, that you are on top of things, that you have your own viewpoint. An opinion gives you the strong sensation that you always know which side the good guys are on, and which side the bad guys are on, when it is right for t be for and when to be against.
The problem is not in the fact that we have an opinion. We will always have opinions. We are incapable of thinking otherwise. The problem is in our willingness to fight for their justification as if they have value beyond ourselves. We are so tied to our opinions and so committed to them, that they become a universal truth in our consciousness, and we totally forget that it is only our personal truth. And personal truth is like a hook which catches us so strongly, that it can’t be won over even by truth from the heavens.
And here are a few more things we forget: there isn’t necessarily a connection between the things themselves and our opinion on these things, there can be infinite opinions on the same matter which are just as legitimate, and our opinion is not necessarily more correct or justified than any other. But when each person is convinced that his or her own opinion is right and logical and justified, each dialogue becomes a battle.
High Score for Illusions
Getting attached to our opinions totally blocks our listening channel, because if we’re certain ahead of time that anything the other side says is wrong, why waste energy listening to what they say? But this is how we block the opportunity to see any kind of different viewpoint beyond ours, and so our consciousness becomes a prison of ancient sentences, without any renewal or involvement in a real acquaintance with another possibility.
Ironically, we tend to give a high score to people with “defined opinions” and speak adoringly of a person with “solid principles” who “stands their ground”, who “goes all the way with their belief”, who “knows what they want” and who “knows where they stand regarding every situation”.
We think that an uncompromising or unchanging opinion is indicative of deep thought, observational ability and a sharp eye. “I am opinionated”, “I am a consolidated person”, “I have my own opinions”, “I can’t be moved an inch”, “when I am convinced of something nothing will convince me otherwise”, that is how we boast.
But where is the openness when we classify everything in a fixed formula? Where is the independent thought? How can someone with “solid opinions” open up to other opinions? How can someone with a “clear outlook” freely examine even their own outlooks?
We are so certain of the validity of our opinion, that we are willing to go to war any time someone attempts to object it. We are willing to take a family apart, leave a workplace and do other crazy things because “this is what we believe”. Of course not only we block every dialogue with our opinions, because the other side too probably shows the same symptoms of “I know what’s right”. So how can we ever truly discuss things?
From a Closed Mind to an Open Mind
In order to connect with the environment in a communication which brings closer together we need an open consciousness, not a closed one. And let it be clear: a person with open consciousness also has opinions on everything. But they can perceive the situation not through their opinions, but as it is. And if the opinion needs to change because what happens in reality refutes it, they change their mind immediately. That is how they enjoy wisdom that is renewed constantly, and relationships that get tighter all the time.
Change of opinions and values is not a sign of weak thinking in the eyes of someone with open consciousness, but a sign of growing up. They perceive themselves as creatures that evolve in every situation, and they do not cling to opinions that are suitable for who they used to be. And instead of holding on to what they thought in the past, they try and see things through more mature eyes, open wider and with better understanding.
Take a big step towards open thinking and respectful communication and fair relationships when you remember that the opinions you are fighting for are valuable only to yourselves, and that maybe you will also stop protecting them when you allow new insights to permeate your consciousness.
And the first step you take towards new communication is to begin everything you say with the words “I think”. This small and trivial word has great effect, because it will immediately transport you to an open consciousness which always listens to another opinion. And then finish everything you say with the question “what do you think?” in order to remember that any other opinion is just as legitimate as your own.